Forgiveness If I cannot forgive myself for all the blunders that I have made over the years, then how can I proceed? How can I ever Dream perfection-dreams? Move, I must, forward. Fly, I must, upward. Dive, I must, inward, to be once more what I truly am and shall forever remain." ~ Sri Chinmoy~
We are taught in youth to say we are sorry for things we say and do, but what mostly happens is that we just glare at the person, and say sorry as if we are cursing them with our very breath. In youth we do not fully comprehend the amount of pain that words or actions can cause. We must be taught that the sharpest sword of all is our tongue. Many times we lash out in anger because we feel were are not heard, no one cares so why bother to be compassionate, or even civil.
Where there is no guide to show us what is proper we can tend to go from wrong speech to wrong actions of hitting, and other forms of abuse.If you have been on the receiving end of such hatred then you know it can be life changing. The more pain that is placed on you the more you wish to hide it out of sight. It is in that pain that you will lash out in some form or another. You will find a way to try and make all of that pain disappear. Unfortunately much of the ways you will try will be self destructive.
This self destructive behavior can take the form of, but is not limited to: changing food intake, drugging, drinking, acting out in a sexual manner, unsavory friends, and cutting. All of these behaviors are serious and never should be underestimated at the amount of long term damage they can cause. If you are experiencing any of these actions tell someone immediately. A loved one, a priest, a friend, sometimes even a total stranger.
Take action stand up and say this far and no further can I carry this burden alone.Many wonder if the person who creates the painful action even cares. I am here to tell you that the pain of another is not felt generally by the giver of the physical or mental abuse. The person who doles out the painful action is not trying to understand how deeply the words or the strike hurts the individual. They are self absorbed and unable to deeply feel anything. If they were able to understand, or have compassion then they would know what they were doing was deeply wrong.
You must understand that you are not there in that situation to change them. You are only responsible for your actions and what you do next to help yourself become removed from that which causes you harm.Once you have managed to get to the core of what is causing your suffering you must come to terms with it; how long this process takes is based on individual choice, and experience. Realizing that you can break free of the internal prison you have made for yourself, and learn healthy ways of dealing with stress.
There is one more thing to consider here when you are working through past or present pains; it is the nagging need to understand why someone would hurt you in the first place. A lot of times people who are the close to you will be the ones to hurt you the deepest. If a person loves another how could they do this terrible thing? Many times that answer never comes to light. Again if a person can easily hurt another they are not thinking about anyone, but themselves.
You may never fully understand the root of the problem, but you can change how you deal with it in the next moment.“When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you’re spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride. For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each others’ presence."~Fredrick Buechner~
Author Final Note: It is important to know that it is not always the right thing to do to forgive someone who has hurt you, in this case what you can do is forgive yourself for not saying something sooner, or for not being able to take action as it was happening. You are doing something now about it that is what is most important.